i’m thinking of ending things

i’m thinking of ending things.

i’m thinking of ending things.

the mantra our Young Woman repeatedly thinks and feels, which is only reflected in the viewer’s feelings: i’m thinking of ending things (RE: this film)

So incredibly bizarre it almost does too much, but my thoughts throughout watching were how much of a festival film this starkly original film seems to be. Never would I ever expect to go to a movie theater that typically showcases blockbusters and expect something of this high caliber. I say “high caliber” because it’s thoughtful and poetic, painstaking to watch — and even more so to contemplate. I’m not saying that I liked it. I’m not saying that I disliked it. I’m just saying that i’m thinking of ending things.

So which character is crazy? Is anyone? Or is this just a glimpse into the way the world is viewed through one person’s eyes. Don’t we all invent the past we’ve not ourselves experienced and create a prospect of some sort of future, even if it is all in jest — full of suppositions and “what if’s”?

This thought allows me to circle back to a thought I had earlier this week, “humans don’t know how to live in the present”. We’re all bound to our past and fumbling in utter darkness towards our futures. What about the here and now? Could this film represent the numbing of our own presence due to interfering thoughts of what has happened and what is yet to come?

Here and now: I’m writing this. I’m experiencing my thoughts on the film as I write them – I didn’t think this post through. I’m on some strangers’ couch with two Frenchies I met yesterday. I’m bingeing films like this isn’t 2021 and awards season hasn’t been pushed to April. But wait – The bingeing of films cannot, by definition, allow me to be fully in the present. It implies a film or films watched prior to this one, and/or additional film(s) viewed after. A natural past-present-future inclusion in one single term: Bingeing. The TV is quiet and so are the dogs. I hear the wind, and some traffic, and the keyboard clicking at the push of my fingertips. I’m not currently bingeing. I’m sitting. Here and now. Breathing and listening.

i’m thinking of ending things.